Loud and Proud, aka "Kids Say the Weirdest Things"

The Smurfs have been able to visit Smurf 1 in the hospital since Friday, which has been the highlight of their day each time.  It's quite a pain at times because they are either too aggressive or passive when visiting.  Smurf 1 just cannot stand still and wants to push on him and grab his head.  Smurf 2 acts as if Smurf 3 has the plague and is tentative about going near him.  However, after we have left she talks about him as if she was taking care of him and had a great time.   So on the first day they got to visit, both were understandably excited.  They were asking a bunch of questions, looking at stuff, saying how cute Smurf 3 was, etc.  Well, his diaper needed to be changed, and surprisingly Smurf 1 wanted to watch (Smurf 2 has backed away several steps because she's just timid in this situation).  When his diaper comes off, Smurf 1 notices that Smurf 3 has an inflated belly button.  He has a small hernia that makes his belly button inflate, but it's supposed to correct itself.  Anyway, he looks at it and declares (quite loudly):

"Look! He has a belly penis!"

 A couple of the nurses tried their hardest not to laugh, but it couldn't be helped.  I laughed so hard I started coughing.  It's not a misspoken word or phrase, but i'm counting it as one.

A Long Day, aka "My Blood Pressure Keeps Rising"

Don't think I can take any more surprises today.  My wife was supposed to come out on a 6 hour visit today but couldn't because during a NST the heart rate of Smurf 3 went WAAAAAY down.  It went back up, but the doctor freaked out and moved her to labor and delivery. I thought they were going to deliver any moment, which had me freaked out because when I was told I was in the middle of being with a client and his mom at the hospital, I still had to turn in paperwork so I could get paid, I had to contact several people for paperwork so other people got paid, I had to clean up the rest of the house because in-laws were around (oy vey), and I had in-laws visiting.

Luckily, everything has worked out.  She was on monitoring for 4 hours and had no changes or issues, so she was returned back to her room.  However, she might not get another pass to get out and that flat out sucks.  I was able to get one person discharged from the hospital, but then remembered I have to send information to another hospital for someone else.  I also need to follow up about an assault claim and Adult Protective Service call.  I got in my paperwork but not all of it (but I will still get paid so that's good).  The house is clean, the in-laws are bothersome (and will be back on Friday and Saturday), and I'm ready for it to be Sunday.  However, the Smurfs are still fun so everything will be okay.  I think I can keep my blood pressure in check long enough for my wife to get back home. 

I think it's funny that my daughter, Smurf 2, will allow me to wash and comb her hair in the tub but would never allow my wife to do it.  Smurf 2's hair is exactly like my wife's hair (very curly and thick), and I sometimes have a harder time with it.  However, she did not (and still doesn't) like for my wife to do her hair.  She even prefers if I'm the one putting on her headband, doing a ponytail, or whatever hairstyle she likes at the moment.  I also need to buy a few more dresses for her since she keeps asking to wear one every day; she currently has 4 that she likes.

Smurf 1 is going to eat us out of house and home.  I swear that boy eats almost as much as a teenager.  On the regular he eats anywhere between 2 to 3 helpings of dinner along with 2 snacks and possibly a third.  Luckily he prefers to drink a lot of water (puts me to shame) and will drink 1/2 cup of juice or a juice box per day.  Smurf 2 will drink water but only if she's very hot or nothing else is available.  Otherwise, she's got a juicebox or cup of juice in her hand.  Or strawberry milk.

So now we are on the way back to the hospital to get a good dinner to my wife.  They wouldn't let her eat while monitoring her, and she's hankering for some Outback food.  

Misspoken Word of the Day:
 *Preface - I try to use words that my kids should know with minimal euphemisms. Today I was speaking with Smurf 2 about using the bathroom, and that's where today's word comes from.

Browse Moose.  "That's a lot of Yuck daddy."  "It's called a poop or bowel movement."  "Ok.  That's a lot of Browse Moose."

The Cuteness of my Kids, aka "That Makes Me Smile Every Time"

One of the things I do to relieve stress is sing songs with my kids.  Not the stuff that's on the radio or even oldies (although they do like a few oldies I'll list out later), but stuff that appears on Micky Mouse Clubhouse, Sesame Street, Team Umizoomi, etc.  I've also gotten to the point where I will interact with my kids in public as if other people aren't around, so many of the things that we end up doing may be embarrassing under normal circumstances.  Today, as we're leaving the hospital, the Smurfs started singing a song from Team Umizoomi.  Not one to be outdone, I started singing Elmo's Ducks with them.  Now, when we normally do it I sing Elmo's part and they do the duck noises/acting.  So imagine a grown man walking with two kids doing an Elmo voice while they're quacking like ducks.  We did this 3 times in a row while walking past visitors, doctors, nurses, volunteers, security, etc.  Although I was aware of people staring (and potentially commenting), I couldn't have cared less because they were happy and so was I.  We've also done public performances of We Make Music and Sing After Me, one time drawing applause from someone we walked by.  I like doing stuff like that because it reminds me that no matter how much stress i'm under, having fun with the Smurfs is a priority.

As I've noted before (and if you can't tell) I refer to my kids as The Smurfs.  It's now more of reflex to say it randomly, and they respond accordingly.  They have never seen the cartoon and have only seen Smurfs through a McDonald's Happy Meal promotion.  However, Smurf 2 likes to constantly ask when in the car "Are we there yet?"  Now she knows where we are going most often and when we will get there, but she likes to do it because I pretend it's irritating.  So whenever she asks I always go "Not yet my little Smurf" until after the 5th time I will go "NOOOOOOO!!!!!" in a goofy voice.  My inspiration? Here.

Misspoken Words of the Moment:
Taskifier. - "He has a Taskifier in his mouth."

Nipple.  "I have two Nipples dad.  Do you have any Nipples? Here [Smurf 2], you can have one of my Nipples so you can buy something at the store."

Another Day, aka, "I Worry Too Much"

So yesterday was a mostly good day.  My wife got to leave the hospital for 6 hours, so we (family) spent a lot of good time together.  I mean, we do it each day that we visit but it's so much more better being away from the hospital.  Today they checked the growth rate of the baby and he's still behind.  However, the tech said the baby is growing symmetrically, which means that his body is growing proportionally.  That's better than asymmetrically, which would indicate potential medical and cognitive issues after birth.  It still sucks that he's behind in growth, but it appears that Smurf 3 would be a smaller person regardless.  When I say smaller, I mean smaller than us.  I'm only 5'11", my wife 5'9".  Both kids are pretty tall for their age, especially when I compare them to other kids their age.

Work is still a pain and I would really like to have some stability right now.  I like the fact that I can be flexible with it, but because I have limited time during the day because of the kids I spend most of the night playing catch up.  I think right now my average time to go to sleep is about 3 a.m., and I wake up between 7 and 8 a.m.

So i'm pretty mopey right now, but I try to keep things in perspective.  I follow a blog of a guy named  Rob (lostandtired.com),  and he is in a much more difficult situation than I am.  I feel I have no place to bitch and moan about laundry, cleaning, cooking, and taking care of things because things are still relatively good for me and the Smurfs.

Misspoken Word of the Day:
Anglish.  "That's not Spanish, that's in Anglish."

Cooking for This Dummy, aka "Where's the Pepto?"

When I was in college I used to cook only for myself.  This meant that whatever I made did not look like what it was supposed to; I didn't care as long as it tasted okay.  Luckily I met, fell in love, and married a woman who has excellent cooking skills.  Over the years I have tried to learn how to do some basic things so that I can understand what she does, but frankly I still need to read the box of things while she can just pull it from memory.  Now that I am tasked with the cooking, I find myself trying to remember how things are done, double-checking every recipe, and calling my wife to make sure i'm doing things right.  I try to stick to her normal formula of a main dish, vegetable, preferred food, and a fruit of some kind.

Right now the Smurfs are happily eating a dinner of mac & cheese, tater tots, hot dogs (Smurf 2 only), apple sauce and mixed fruit cup, and shredded cheese (they like cheese!).  No one wanted the turkey burgers that I had to call my wife about twice to be reassured that I wasn't going to kill them with it.  Did it matter that I ate one?  Nah, I can tolerate half-cooked food because that's what I used to make.  Both seemed to like everything else because their plates are almost empty.  However, I think my son may be taking after me because he just poured the juice from his fruit cup into his milk and drank it.  Although I think that's something to try, my wife surely would have had a fit.  Plus he likes to mix his food to try out a variety of tastes.  He once mixed a bite of turkey burger, applesauce, and milk; he took several more bites after I told him it was okay as long as he wanted to eat it.

Fortunately this was not my first successful daddy-only meal.  The first real meal I cooked in the past few weeks was pancakes.  I was able to get them very close to the way my wife makes them, and the kids ate them all.  Of course Smurf 1 complained of a stomach ache a little bit later, which had me worried that he was sick from undercooked batter or something (he had to go to the bathroom).  I did do a crockpot dinner the second night alone with them of turkey chops, cream of mushroom, peas, corn, rice, and fruit.  They actually ate it without complaints and I was proud to have done it.  I will try meatloaf at some point, but I've got to make sure I have a backup meal in case it doesn't turn out well.

Misspoken Word of the Day
Violent.  "Look at the pretty rainbow! I see orange, green, violent, yellow, red, and blue!"

"Are They Twins?" Count of the Day
I've had 2 of them today, and 4 of "they're so cute!".  The short response still works.

Misspoken Words, aka "What Did You Say?"

I want to start something like this because, to me, my kids are funny.  See if you can guess the actual word.  The quotes are real.  By the way, I always provide them with the correct word, and they usually repeat it so that they can get it right.

1. kinoculars.  As in "daddy, I can see you through my kinoculars.  You look so close!" 

2. Crunch.  As in "I wiped my crunch with toilet paper."

3. Samami.  "The very hungry caterpillar ate cake, ice cream, samami, ..."

4. Simanem.  "Dad, I like to have simanem in my pancakes."

5. Praying Magnet.  "What does a Praying Magnet eat?  What is it a Praying Magnet?"